Bootcamp: Day 24 -- The End of the Line!

Yeah, so this is pretty much what I look like now that I've finished my initial six weeks of Boot Camp. But not as blonde. Or tan. And I didn't really grow a moustache.

Ok, slight exaggeration, maybe... BUT... here's what did happen:

• I now notch my belt two holes tighter
• I can wave without resembling my grandmother at bingo
• I can do more squat thrusts per minute than anyone in the fourth grade or below (this one is going on my résumé)
• I feel a boatload more in-shape than when I started!

So for each of the 24 mornings that I wanted to destroy my alarm, for every hour spent wondering if this was a good thing on which to have spent money, for every time Reuben, Alex or Nizio said "the pain is just weakness leaving your body" and I wanted to scream, I have to say it was all worth it. 100%.

That isn't to say that today wasn't one of the hardest days ever, mind you. This whole week was tough, but today I was convinced that the boys must have stayed up really late last night to concoct the world's most extreme routine.

And, Nizio lost his voice, but gained-- wait for it-- a megaphone-like voice amplifier. That's right. A mini bullhorn. I probably spent a good five minutes flittering back and forth between fits of laughter and terror. I think the monstrous boom of his voice made our counting sound thin in comparison, because Alex came rushing over screaming that we weren't counting loud enough. For this crime, the punishment was "Build a House".

No, not a Habitat for Humanity construction project. Nothing of the sort. I had actually heard some folk in class talk about Build a House as one of the most dreaded forms of punishment-exercise. And I nearly escaped without experiencing it for myself. Almost.

Everyone lines up, shoulder to shoulder, then goes into a downward dog-like position, then one person crawls on their belly through everyone else then takes the down dog position at the other end, and so on and so on. Sounds like a schoolyard game kids might play, except children don't have grown men yelling at them while they do it. And the kiddoes might not be as concerned about being really sweaty and stinky and grossing out their classmates. What a way to start your day!

Then we were on to a fierce round of out-do your own time. We had one minute to do each of a bunch of exercises. There were tires involved. It was really hard. And all the while, Alex kept a tally of everyone's count on the whiteboard. When the whiteboard comes out, you should hope you don't have to lift anything else or really walk anywhere for the rest of the day. The thing that killed me the most was laps around the gym. In one minute, we were told that the record was 4 laps and that we should at least meet that, if not break it. This was the second to last exercise in the series, and it nearly broke me. I made it to four (I think the one guy in our class today did 5!) and then could barely catch my breath before moving on to a minute of squat thrusts. Whee!

But as much as I found myself dreading this much working out, it really seems that it's the key to it's effectiveness-- a one hour Boot Camp workout is like two hours at the gym on my own. I would never push myself this hard, and even when I worked out with a personal trainer, I managed to talk my way into a handful of breaks in between exercises.

I was shocked when today was over. I was really convinced there was more. So even though it's the hardest hour of the day, it can fly by.

Sari thinks I'm not coming back. True, I have to take a little break due to a change in my schedule (and in an attempt to finance an upcoming show), but I'll be back.

Or it's back to Bingo Arm.

Bootcamp: Day 23

My knees are bruised more than ever, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Tomorrow completes my initial 6-week run at Pure Power Boot Camp!

I don't know if it's just that yesterday's class nearly broke me or that today's workout was awfully hard as well, but I have been walking slowly and carefully all day.

It was another day of obstacle circuit training. And crazy stunts with the sandbags. I'm having dreams of sneaking in there in the middle of the night and replacing all the sand with cotton balls. That would be dreamy.

I think what killed me the most was that I was extremely spacially unaware today. I banged my knee into the corner of a hurdle so hard, my leg nearly gave out upon landing. But I think that made Sari laugh as I bellowed a way-too-loud "OUCH!!!"

For once, I'll spare you all the intricate and gnarly details and simply direct you to Sari, who talks about perhaps the most insane mind-melting stunt they pulled on us today. I'll just tell you I cheered for cake, a nap and a water break. Not exactly in that order.

Bootcamp: Day 22

See that little girl there to the right*? That's how the Boot Camp felt today. Like I had never done it before. Day 1 all over again.

And I knew it the minute I got off the elevator. The 6:30am class looked like they were dying, lugging sand bags all over the place, doing wall squats, obstacles and other things that made me want to hide in the changing tent.

When it was our turn, we started with what seemed like the normal warm-up: running, stretching, jumping jacks, then the fun fun fun "12 seconds to get around the gym!"

But then, instead of going into a series of monster lunges, squat thrusts and/or star jumpers, we were instructed to do the hurdles, the walls and the other set of hurdles.

For a moment, I thought that we were going to have it easy-- I always feel like there's a little more breathing room in between the obstacles. Boy, was I wrong.

There were only six of us in class today. Where is everyone? I heard Alex and Nizio conferring on what I thought was who could go take a break-- one instructor can easily handle such a small class. Then I heard Alex say something that I tried to pretend I did not actually hear: "Just kill 'em".

And then he went into the tent and came out in street clothes, leaving us in the torturous hands of Nizio.

I have heard from more than one person that their hardest workout was on a Nizio Day. And after today, I concur completely.

By now you all know that I have a major issue with the tires and am looking for a chance to slash them at every turn. I am now also fostering that same contempt for the sandbags. Today we had to run laps with them, holding them "like a baby", as opposed to holding the bar "like a rifle" to which I have become accustomed (yet I still find hilarious).

We had to bear crawl around the entire gym, with Nizio warning us nearly every step of the way not to get up-- even on the shredded rubber parts in the middle we had to keep bear crawling. Unfortunately, one girl couldn't stand it and got up at one point, which meant another lap for us all. It doesn't sound like a lot, but after sandbag laps, I nearly dropped. And my hands were FILTHY, which, albeit the least of my worries, was really gross.

Then it was a minute of squat thrusts. Standing next to the Best Girl in Class (the triathlete), I managed to do a whopping 41. (I wouldn't exactly say they were shining examples of form, but I went up and down 41 times in 60 seconds.) Then a lap around the gym. Another minute of squat thrusts, this time with the warning that we had best beat or at least match our previous number. I did 44, and I'm not exactly sure how or why and I nearly died again on the next lap around the gym.

As if that wasn't enough, it was then a minute of jumping squat thrusts. I managed 25, and my legs were shaking as I ran that next lap. Then-- wait for it-- another minute, again threatening to match or beat our previous number. I got to 27.

We also did partner leg lifts with the throw-down, where your partner stands at your shoulders and flings your legs down, then you have to lift them back up. Usually, I don't mind this so much, since it involves lying down which is almost like resting. Usually we go at our own pace. Not today. Nizio led the count, and he counts real slow.

There were other things along the way that I'm still too brain dead to remember, but I definitely can't forget finishing off with three sets of ten chin-ups. I loathe anything involving the monkey bars. Luckily (is it lucky? really?), we get to do partner pull-ups, where the pull-up-er stands on the partner's legs, or the partner assists by holding the puller's feet. I do the leg standing and even though I feel like I'm cheating, my arms are worn out by the end.

I was never happier to do the final round of group sit-ups. I also had to immediately take a shower-- I couldn't imagine just throwing my coat on over my marvelously sweaty clothes. I showered, then sat in the changing tent in a towel contemplating getting dressed for the better part of ten minutes. One may also have viewed this as "spacing out".

I proceeded to fall asleep on the train home, feebly wobble up the stairs, meander home and crash out for a severe nap. I'm glad that hour is behind me. Two more days.

Two more days.


*from the End Times series by the awesome photographer Jill Greenberg, who is responsible for Will's and my new favorite gift book.

Bootcamp: Day 21 (The Home Stretch)

It's my last week! There were a few snags along the way, including illness and travel, but I'm in the Home Stretch! Not that it's any easier, mind you.

Today, as I'm sure you know by now, was Abs Day. But it was no normal Abs Day. That Alex is a creative and sneaky fellow. Just when we thought it was time to do the normal abs routine, he mixed it up a bit and nearly killed me!

I've mentioned before how much contempt I hold for exercises involving lifting, pressing and or squatting with tires, right? Well, today was no different, save for the fact that Alex made me use the heaviest tire in the bunch! I swear, this monster came off of a Mack Truck.

Then it was on to more creative things to lift. Sand bags! The old sand bags that line the perimeter of the obstacle course (to keep us from escaping, perhaps?) were replaced with shiny new ones. I noticed a wall was built with a bunch of them to block off our usual "short cut" during our run (it cuts off about eight inches of the running space-- ooooh, we're cheating!). In the middle of our hour I learned where the other sand bags went.

"Grab a sand bag and RUN!"

These little sacks of horror must weigh about 300 lbs each (or maybe 20lbs.) and we were instructed to toss one on our shoulder and do two laps. Next we were to lay down on our backs, hold the sand bag up as if bench-pressed and do leg lifts.

It was like doing leg lifts inside of an hourglass, with tiny grains of sand slowly trickling down onto my sweaty face. I woke up at 6:15am for this.

But that was not all. It was another fun round of over and under the hurdles, scaling the walls and back over the hurdles. Then partner sit-ups-- how many can you do in 2 minutes? (I did 73 and nearly died).

And then another blast of Alex creativity-- 3 laps of bear crawl around the gym. 3 laps of Star Jumpers around the gym (basically like stationary long-jumping, which sucks when your legs are tired). 3 laps of -- get this-- skipping. Yes. Skipping. Like little girls do, except with an emphasis on lifting your knee high and jumping super-high. Sounds girly, hurts like hell. Then 3 laps of sort of a sideways bear crawl and 3 of something that reminded me of the Shuffle Off To Buffalo move from tap dancing school back when I was 8.

Sounds like a lot for an hour, huh? Well, we haven't even gotten to the Abs routine yet! He started us off with the normal thing-- butterfly crunches, raised-leg crunches and the torturous "In-and-Outs". But then instead of moving us onto the second series, we partnered up to do things I have never even heard of, the most insane of which being the "Push-up Plank". Starting in a plank position on your forearms and toes, you lift your arms to a push-up position so you're on your hands and toes. We did 100. I actually probably only did around 12, a) because I was confused and b) because it was one of the most exhausting exercises I've ever done.

Luckily, Alex went easy on us for that one. I literally stopped a couple of times but kept counting and either he didn't see me or he let it slide, because normally coming to a stop would bring on some yelling and some lap-running.

Did I mention also that there were only 5 of us in class today? Maybe there was a telekinetic memo passed around to the other kids who were smart enough to stay in bed.

On the bright side, though, I was standing taller all day!

Jackson Hole

One does not need to know me extremely well to know that I'm not exactly what one might call "outdoorsy".

Yet somehow I managed to survive three days of the death-defying snow sport called Skiing in natural beauty-filled Jackson Hole, Wyoming. We travelled with our friends Colleen and Sean (or Dana and Christopher-- I'm convinced they're super-heroes with alter-egos and two names each) and got to visit with our friends Matt & Fany, Whitney, Kenny and Chris who are all ski-bumming there for the season. I have never seen people happier to see a big snowfall.

A ski trip with hard-core ski fiends, I've learned, involves certain levels of endurance and fearlessness. I didn't really pack enough of these things, so there were a couple of bouts of crazy on Day 1* (see photo below).

Will told me on this trip (and not once before in the 3.5 years we've been dating) that he was the New York state champ in some skiing thing (a race, perhaps?) when he was in high school. So he and I skiing together would be the equivalent of us going on a Theater Vacation where the reason everyone is there is to act act act. He's on the Shakespeare of slopes, I'm learning how to read.

Here are some photographic highlights from our weekend in the snow:

Will had to take photos of himself, as I was doing battle a few meters down with some serious bunny slope.

Someone else must have taken this one...

Maybe it was Colleen and Sean, seen here documenting their snowy fun fun.
Note who is not in these photos.
Hint: me.

*Oh, this was fun. Colleen, bless her heart, thought I was doing really well on my first day ever on skis. Thinking that I was ready for something a little more challenging, we went up up up to a slope called "Apres Vous".

What we did not know was that this slope was a Double Blue, which is apparently the West Coast equivalent to an East Coast Black Diamond. (click on the photo and take note of the word "Avalanche" in the sign on the left.)

Terrified, I ended up taking the skis off and scooting down on my butt, knocking poor Colleen down with my slip-slidey insanity in the process. After what felt like a lifetime on my butt, we made it to a mellow traverse, where I was allowed by the world's friendliest lift operators to ride the lift down. Consolation prize: we saw a momma and baby moose in the woods on the way.

Seriously. It seemed this steep.
(Note: This is not my bunny slope.)

Will with our friend Fany.
His skis with her snowboard.

And here it is. Proof. I was there.
I got lots of compliments on those pants.
Shockingly, not so many compliments on my ski skills...

I think aprés ski in the hot tub is the whole reason people put themselves through the rigor of the sport. This is by far the best part (sorry, ski aficionados).

We stayed at The Rusty Parrot, a lovely bed & breakfast just off the center of town. If you're planning a trip to Jackson, I highly recommend it. The staff was fantastic, the bed plush and the restaurant a real treat. And the outdoor hot tub-- need I say more?

Well, actually, if you're really lucky, you know Matt and Fany and they'll cook you dinner. But you have to be truly in the know for that one... Nothing like some home cookin' (by two culinary trained pro chefs) after a long day of scooting down a mountain!

Bootcamp: Day 20 -- the One Day Late Post

With a plane to catch at noon and a bunch of errands to run in between, I actually made it to the 6:30am class yesterday. On the plus side, it was still dark when I left the house, which I get some twisted enjoyment from, but seriously, it was deathly early.

I didn't know anyone in the class, but I had seen some of them before. One of the girls was the one who I had seen doing the bear crawl with a tire on her butt back on Day 12. She is no joke-- never looks like she breaks a sweat.

So we did the usual warm-up, laps, jumping jacks, lunges, star jumpers and partner sit-ups in the tire (100). Then we broke into two groups for circuit training on the obstacle course.

We did one obstacle, then an Alex-prescribed exercise in between. A set of hurdles then 25 jumping squat thrusts. The walls then 25 push-ups on the tire. The monkey bars (which for me means hanging from the first one wondering how people motor across these things until my hands hurt) then 25 squat presses (with the tire. Damn!)

The obstacle that killed me the most was the Intensity Wall-- a wall about 8-10' high with a knotted rope hanging down. You're supposed to use the rope to help you while you climb up with your feet then hurl yourself over the top. The front of the walls are covered with a thin layer of fine sandpaper, which usually helps give your sneakers some traction and get you up the wall. The first time I did this back on Day 1, it was tough, but I managed. This time, though, I couldn't get up! Finally, the Bear-Crawl-Tire-Butt girl ran up behind me and said she was going to help. Realizing this was the only way I was going to make it over, I accepted. Next thing I know, she is literally shoving me up the wall by my butt. In other situations, this may have been viewed as humiliating or just plain weird, but I was grateful for the butt shove.

Then we moved on to Reuben for another circuit round involving weights and the insane "V Crunches" (lying flat, lift your arms and legs at the same time until you're a human V).

6:30 was a tough class. But as we were finishing up, I noticed that there were only boys in the 7:30, so I was glad I was already done!!

I Don't Want to Go to This Spa!

That title is not a line you'll often hear me say. I love those little zen temples filled with tea and lotion and calm. But "The Nibbling Massage" just takes it Too Far:

Experience a unique and revitalizing therapy, complete with a foot massage at Fish Reflexology, Underwater World. With soft lightings, calming sonance of a river stream and feet relaxed in a warm pool, witness a school of Turkish spa fish swim up and gently nibble on your feet. These adorable little fish consume only the dead skin areas, revealing your smoother and healthier skin - the perfect way to exfoliate and pamper your feet.

Turkish Spa Fish? Really? That must be it's scientific name.*

I remember seeing little flesh nibbling fish when we were at the Aquarium in Seoul and thinking that it was nothing I cared to experience, nevermind pay for. I almost panicked about getting eaten by sharks while learning to scuba dive, I don't think I'll ever need a pedicure that bad.

via Popgadget

*Seriously, Wikipedia has an entry for EVERYTHING! Duh, I know, but sometimes I forget just how much that blows my mind.

Bootcamp: Day 19

"Everyday should be Abs Day!", says PPBC founder Lauren Brenner this morning while counting slowly through a side-splittingly thorough ab workout.

That's Lauren there on the left. The woman has worked out a day or two in her life. Note the Abs. Nicely done, eh?

And she's right. Each time she's been in to lead the Ab Routine, she says we should do it every day in addition to our regular Boot Camp workout. And she's right. Only, at the end of our regular workouts, I usually just want to die.

I can't figure out if Abs Day is the easiest or hardest day of the week. I posed this conundrum to Sari today, who I think hit the nail on the head. There is FAR less cardio, which gives it the guise of ease, but the friggin' crunches are killers.

Lauren is great, though, and focuses as much on the stretching and relaxing (what?!) in between sets as the sets themselves. And just as I'm beginning to think that perhaps I've slipped off unnoticed to a spa reatreat, there's Alex. Stepping on my gut. Literally. He put his foot on my stomach and walked over me. Just checking to see that I was still focused on my abs, I guess.

But my favorite part of Ab Day with Lauren would have to be when she says "Is everyone feeling this? Let me know if you Are Not feeling this!" as we're doing crunches from some ungodly twisted position.

I'd like to know who doesn't feel Ab Day. So I can copy exactly what they're doing, because seriously, this stuff kills me!

Temporary Distortion at PS122

You may remember back in October I produced a podcast for nytheatre.com about Temporary Distortion's current work, Welcome to Nowhere (Bullet Hole Road).

Well, those guys are packing up their signature set of plexiglass boxes and neon lights and heading to France (lucky bastards!). But first, they're re-mounting the show this week at PS122 for a very limited engagement.

It's a really cool show that I'm sure is unlike anything you've seen before (unless you're familiar with their work). I highly recommend checking it out!

last chance to see
Temporary Distortion's
WELCOME TO NOWHERE

FEBRUARY 20-23 at 8pm

P.S. 122
150 1st Avenue (at 9th Street)

Box Office:
212-352-3101
www.ovationtix.com

[Use "TD10" for half-price ($10) tickets]

Bootca-- actually, scratch that

My alarm goes of at 6:20, as usual, this morning. I snooze it once, then begrudgingly head off to the shower. I shower, dress and leave the house by 6:42, as usual.

It's getting light out earlier each day. I sort of liked leaving for Boot Camp in the dark, under the cloak of night, as it were. But the sun is coming up now, at least a sign that Spring is near.

I get to the F Train stop at Carroll St, as usual. It's a holiday, so there are few people on the platform.

Oh, and the F Train isn't running.

This happened to Will on Saturday morning, and to me on Saturday afternoon. To get into Manhattan, we now have to take the G to Hoyt-Schermerhorn, transfer up the stairs on the other platform (this is the key to not ending up in Bed-Stuy like we both did) to the Manhattan-bound F.

On the MTA website, they tell you this information, but fail to note something important*:

F Trains run between Hoyt-Schermerhorn and 179 Sts G Trains replace F between Hoyt-Schermerhorn Sts and Stillwell Av
Weekend, holiday until Feb 19, 5 AM Tue

How will this affect my trip?

If you are traveling to Manhattan
• Take the G and transfer at Hoyt-Schermerhorn Sts to a Manhattan-bound F making all station stops to 179 St, Queens.
*(you are basically screwed-- add an hour to your trip)

So, having witnessed the Don't Be Late For BootCamp Lesson from poor Wong the other day, and knowing in my gut that I just didn't have 250 squat thrusts in me, I got off the G at Bergen (yes, one stop from my starting point) and walked home. I called in on the way, telling them why I wasn't coming and that I'd tack an extra day on next week.

I didn't mention the fear, (but I think it might have come through anyway)...

Happy Presidents' Day!

Game ON!

I'm not normally a Late-Nite Friday Night Blog Poster, but this situation is just cracking me up!

Bootcamp: Day 18

This was the first time I had ever gone to Boot Camp on a Friday, so I wasn't sure just what to expect.

Let's just say I, um... got my money's worth.

Today we had our usual warm-up, but instead of Alex, Nizio was calling the shots and setting the pace. One of the girls at the end of class said that when he does it, it's like we're all little mice and someone pitched the record up from 33 to 78*-- we're doing jumping jacks at warp speed and doing our best to keep up with counting out loud and breathing at the same time.

Then it was on to partner sit-ups in the tire with a weight bar. My partner, poor thing, was told during push-ups in the warm up that today was her "Graduation Day", meaning that she could no longer do girly push-ups (like me!) and now had to do them with her feet on the ground. Apparently she also graduated to a heavier bar, because when she went to grab our normal blue (lightest) bar, Alex caught her and made her take a green (3-ton). 100 sit-ups, passing the bar back and forth between us. I went into today with sore shoulders and left with sorer ones.

It turned out today was Circuit Training Day. And it hurt like hell. There was the Nizio circuit and the Alex circuit, and I'm not sure which one hurt more! I saw the 6:30 class doing this when we got there, and I felt bad for the poor bastards without realizing that this was my ultimate fate.

I ended up in a group of four with the two Best Girls in Class. It all happened before I could realize what was going on. This was a huge mistake, I feared. These girls Do Not Fuck Around-- one of them being the triathlete who bounces springily over the hurdles and the other being the girl with the Will of Steel-- she pushes herself and pushes herself and it doesn't seem to wear her down. I got a huge nervous pit in my stomach.

We were sent off to run laps with our weight bar, holding it like a rifle. As I mentioned yesterday, I love this direction. "Hold it like an M-16, Hold it like a Rifle." Sure. Like when I'm carrying my rifle around town. Gotcha.

Our first circuit was with Nizio:

• Jumping Jacks with the bar
• Star Jumpers with the bar (held behind the neck)
• 1 minute of Squat Thrusts (I did 36 this time-- I tried to keep up with the BGICs)
• Chin-ups (with a partner who's legs I stood on as my shaky arms pretended to lift me up-- sort of like this, only different)
• Tricep dips in the window sill (like a reverse push-up)

Two sets of all of that. Then over to Alex. One minute of each of the following:

• Squat Presses with a Tire (I swear, I'm going to hide the tires someday)
• Box Jumps (jump up onto a 24" box, jump down, repeat)
• Jump Rope
• Jackknife Crunches (lifting and crunching upper and lower body together)
• Squat Thrust with Long-Jump style Star Jumpers

My total number of all five circuits was 150. The two BGICs were 237 and 238. They don't rest in spots like I do, apparently.

I was surprised when that was the end of class, but I was also relieved. I don't think I've ever sweat as much as I did today. I have two days for my shoulders to recover and for my knee calluses (gross!) to build up so I can keep on with my girly push-ups. Yowzer!

*How's about that for a reference that'll make you feel old, huh?

Jumprope girl from Etui, where Julie Meredith prints these beautiful cards and posters. Cute, right?

There Goes the Neighborhood

Apparently Will has pissed off one of our neighbors. Thankfully, this time it's not me.

Bootcamp: Day 17 -- Emergency on the Train

So I'm on the train this morning, en route to Boot Camp and somewhere between Delancey St. and 2nd Avenue, the train stops. And it doesn't start again.

I check my clock-- 7:15am. 5 stops away from 23rd St. I. Cannot. Be. Late.

What's a couple of minutes, you ask? Well, to the poor girl who was two minutes late yesterday, it meant 250 squat thrusts with Reuben standing over her screaming.

With the torture of punishment exercises on the horizon, I decide on the stopped train that if it doesn't start again within two minutes, I'll just turn around and try again tomorrow. Just as the thought of more sleep and breakfast makes itself friendly in my mind, the train starts again. It pulls into 23rd at 7:26am and I sprint from the train, up the stairs, down Sixth Avenue and to the gym just as my class is starting to run their laps. I throw my coat off and fall in line. Phew!

We go through the normal warm-up-- laps, stretching, jumping jacks. We're in the middle of our first set of 20 push-ups, we're at #11 to be exact, when I hear Reuben scream "Nice Wong! Get up, START RUNNING!"

I was confused. I assumed Wong didn't have a proper form in her push-ups and had to do a lap to make up for it. Oh, was I wrong!

Wong was late again. And we all had to run to make up for it. She had to go into the changing tent to change and put down her stuff, and the guys kept yelling "THEY'RE GONNA KEEP RUNNING UNTIL YOU GET OUT HERE, WONG! TAKE YOUR TIME!"

Poor Wong. I really didn't care about the running when it was over. Frankly, I'd rather do laps than add to the callus collection on my hands with push-ups. But Wong, oh Wong. Alex made her do the Warm-Up From HELL.

While this was going on, we were still warming up, but harder. Reuben had us do Star Jumpers, but starting from an even lower squat than usual-- crouched nearly to the ground with our feet flat on the floor and our butts were almost touching ground as well. Spring up, return to this low position. We did 20, then held the low crouching position until Wong was done lugging the 3-ton (or so) sand sack from one end of the gym to the other.

Like I said, if I'm late, I'm not going.

So that brings us to about 7:40. We've only just begun.

Then it was 50 sit-ups at the Wall.

And then we did more partner stuff:

• I jumped the hurdles and climbed the walls while my partner did 30 V-Crunches (start lying flat, then raise your upper and lower body at the same time so you're a human V). 2nd set, I did the Rock Wall while my partner crunched.
• one partner did push-ups (they laid a boxing glove on the floor that we were to touch our chests to each time) while the other jumped up and over the 24" boxes 50 times. 2 sets.
• The other exercise involved one partner doing squats with a weight bar stationary overhead while the other partner did laps with the bar. The instructions for running with the bar were: "Hold it like an M-16." Oh. Got it. Like how I hold my M-16. Check.

So it was a KILLER day, and though I left more callused than when I went in, I feel good. Arms and legs like Jell-O, but good.

And to make up for my Monday sick-day, I'm going in tomorrow. Hopefully everyone will be on time!

Bootcamp: Day 16

Wednesday. The day when most people skip Boot Camp, especially in weather like this. But today there was a surprising number of people in class-- about ten.

At the end of class, Sari asked "So is Wednesday like the hardest day ever?"

Alex's reply? "We try to make every day the hardest day ever."

We started off as usual, running laps, stretching and right into Jumping Jacks. This is where it began to melt down. My hair was tied back too loosely and was bouncing all over my head. This is not fun, considering my capacity to space out and/or obsess over little details like this. Apparently I was shaping that sentence in my head at that time and spaced out, only to be shot back to earth when Alex screamed "PICK UP THE PACE, REED."

For some reason, I just couldn't find the rhythm. What rhythm lies in a Jumping Jack, you ask? Apparently a lot.

Then it was on to Star Jumpers and push-ups. Today, unlike yesterday, there was no commentary on the depth of my push-up. We started with 25 of each, and worked our way down, in increments of 5, to 15. So 60 push-ups, 60 Star Jumpers. It's a good idea to demolish the legs and arms equally at the beginning of class.

Then we were on to another round of the Squat Thrust Challenge-- how many can you do in one minute. Alex gave us each a goal number. Reuben added that if your goal was not reached, everyone had to do it again. My goal was 28. I did 32.

Then we played "12 Seconds to Get Around the Gym" and did another minute of Squat Thrusts. That time I made it to 33.

This may sound like progress, but I'm thinking I might have made a mistake by going beyond my goal. He's just going to start raising it. Note to self: no need to over-achieve here.

We played Over-and-Under the Hurdles again today. Over and under the first 8, over the next 6. For some reason, this was very confusing-- 'over and under all of them? under where? when do I climb?' Meanwhile, the Best Girl in Class was springing-- yes, springing-- over the hurdles. When I picked my jaw up off the floor I asked Sari what her deal was.

Triathlete.

Oh. Moving right along.

Next up was leg-lifts with a partner. One partner lies on the floor, the other partner stands at their shoulders. The partner lying down holds on for dear sweet life to the standing partner's ankles whilst holding their legs 6" off the ground. Floor partner lifts legs to a 90º, when the standing partner is then instructed to push their legs back down to the floor. Two sets of 35. Sari was my partner. Sari, I'm sorry you had to touch my pants that had travelled through the slush!!

Then we broke into groups. The Big Kids* went and did obstacles, while me and the Little Kids* did weights. Again, with the Arm & Leg Blasts! After a couple of laps bear crawling around the gym, Reuben told me to grab a weight bar. I grabbed the blue bar, the smallest one I could find, which I think it 12 lbs. He caught me, and sent me back for a yellow bar. Damned stupid yellow bar. Long story short, my arms feel like jello today.

But the upshot of it all is that the final Group Sit-ups at the Rock Wall was a breeze. And now I'm grateful to be in clean dry clothes and indoors away from the slushy mess outside.

*I've chosen these terms in lieu of "Best" and "Not Best" or "Advanced" and "Schleppy".

Bootcamp: Day 15 -- Do-Over

I returned to Boot Camp today, just in time for Abs Day!

I feel pretty much back to normal after my bout with illness. And surprisingly, the Boot Camp didn't kill me, even after so many days off.

The hour started as usual: laps around the gym, a billion jumping jacks and this time a series of "jumping lunges".

Then push-ups.

Now, I'm still doing "girl push-ups", with my knees on the ground. And the cry I hear every time from one of the instructors is "LOWER, REED!"

I agree. To go lower to the ground on my push-ups would be nice. If it didn't MAKE MY ARMS SHAKE!!! Last week, there was something to the effect of 'if your knees are on the ground, your chest should touch the ground'. If my chest touches the ground, I'm laying down because my arms won't do any good to get me back up. But I'm working on it.

Next, we hit the hurdles, going over one, under the next on the first 8, the over the next 6, then back to over/under on the 8. After that, more running and then 100 partner sit-ups with feet in the tire and passing a weight bar back and forth between us. You may remember back on Day 12 my partner and I trying to plot to take a break during this exercise, but this time we plowed through the 100, easy-breezy style. (sort of)

Then it was some bear crawling (which wasn't half bad... maybe I am still sick...), a spin on the Rock Wall (actually scaling it-- I need smaller feet for this one!) and on to the Abs Routine. This was the first time it wasn't completely torturous. Not to say it wasn't hard as hell-- Alex devised a little number involving staying in mid-sit-up and twisting from side to side tapping a water-filled canteen to the ground with each twist-- but I made it with only a couple of pauses.

Then 25 more group sit-ups at the Rock Wall, and we were done.

This song keeps coming on during the hour. And it cracks me up every time-- try doing the canteen twisty things in the middle of a big belly laugh.

Now on StoryBoard: One Day MFA and Frog Prince

We've posted two new stories over at StoryBoard.

In Frog Prince, Mike Dressel tells the story of being the green-paint- laden entertainment at the 5th birthday party of Sasha Seinfeld (Jerry's daughter).

And in One Day MFA, author Sarah Schulman talks about a teacher who really had an impact on her life-- by telling her to get out of school!

Have a listen, let us know what you think and if you've got a story, email us a proposal!!

Back from the Dead

Penicillin is a miracle drug. To quote Will, "anyone who believes solely in homeopathic remedies must never have been sick".

After consuming about 3500mg of delicious Penicillin VK since Friday, I have taken the upper hand from the throat-destroying beast known as Tonsillitis. My sore throat is nearly gone and I can swallow again! Glory be!

I head back to Boot Camp tomorrow. It will be interesting to see how a few days off will affect me.

Out of Commission

The sore throat I had the other day didn't get any better. Turns out I've got tonsillitis. (take caution when clicking that link-- the photo is pretty gross.)

Seriously, I thought tonsillitis was only something that happens in the Brady Bunch, but boy, was I wrong. I went to the doctor this morning, she looked into my mouth and said "Oh! That looks ugly!"

Strange, but somehow just because it was a doctor saying it, it made me feel better.

Well, not better, exactly. It hurts like hell to swallow-- even the strict diet of tea and honey I'm on is a fight to get down. You never realize just how many times a day you do something until it hurts to do it-- we must swallow like a kajillion times per day. Ouch.

She also gave me a prescription for Clarinex. When I went to get it filled at the Rite Aid, the pharmacist said it would cost $140 since I don't have insurance. I told him I had tonsillitis. He said I could get something over the counter, or just not worry about it since the penicillin was the most important thing. Now on reading what Clarinex is for, I don't understand exactly why the doctor prescribed it to me in the first place.

Thus begins my ten days of penicillin. And rest.

I think now is a good time for a nap.

Bootcamp: Day 15 -- The Sick Day

Today's absence from Boot Camp brought to you by the world's most sort throat.

I've got a pot of chicken soup in the works and a nap calling my name.

Hopefully I'll be back tomorrow with death defying tales of push-ups and sit-ups, but for now, ouch.

Bootcamp: Day 14

Another Tuesday, another Abs Day!

And what better way to prepare for the burning insanity of the Pure Power Boot Camp ab workout than with 100 sit-ups?!

After our warm up, today featuring new treats such as a knee stretch and Jumping Lunges (just like it sounds-- sort of like running in place, except instead of landing standing up, you land in another lunge), we hit the hurdles and followed it up with 100 sit-ups at the Rock Wall.

Then the Abs Series. Oddly, it seemed to go by really quickly. I would never, EVER say that to the Drill Instructors, but I was grateful.

And we closed the hour out with 25 more sit-ups at the Rock Wall. We close each class out with group sit-ups, where we all lie down, hip to hip, link arms and then all sit-up together. Today I had the Strongest Man on Earth to my left and my pal Sari to my right. It was like together they were practically throwing me from the ground up. It was great.

And that's that. Not much to report today. Oh, neither of the new girls from yesterday were there today; hope they didn't bail out! We had another new girl today, too. I don't think she really even broke a sweat as she seemingly cruised through the obstacle course-- in the middle of some insane sit-up, I glanced over and it looked like she was gliding angelically over the hurdles that I hurl my sorry ass over. Must be nice.

Before Voting in Today's Primary

Please take a few minutes and watch this video, in which Stanford Law Professor Lawrence Lessig explains with clear examples (including a comparison of Clinton's politicking to the style of this guy) why he supports Barack Obama.

(via Will)

Bootcamp: Day 13-- Over the Hump

Week 4 kicked off with all three instructors, two new recruits and one guy's last day. Soon. Soon it will be my last day!

This is becoming a hot topic of conversation among the handful of us who are in the middle of Boot Camp: Are you going to sign up again?

One of my buddies said last week, and I quote:

What?! Do it again? Sign up for more? If I even think of doing that, you have to promise you'll remind me of this very moment, of how RIDICULOUS that sounds and how much this hurts.

But then you look at the ladies who have been doing it for months and it doesn't seem like such a bad idea. But then again, neither does sleeping past 7am!

The most popular sentiment is "well, the thought of just going back to like a regular gym just seems weird". It's true. Nobody at the Y is going to yell at me if I flake on a few push-ups, so (follow the math here) that means I'll never do push-ups at a regular gym.

Have I drank the Boot Camp KoolAid or what? But whether or not I'll re-enlist (ha!) remains to be seen.

Well, now that it might be safe to say that I don't get such a bad case of the BrainDead after class anymore, I feel like I'm on a good roll. Although, the SuperBowl, 3 beers and hot wings didn't help my case today, but all in all it wasn't too bad.

But like I said, we had all three instructors for about 10 people in class, so they were pretty darned creative for a Monday.

First was a fairly normal warm-up: laps, jumping jacks, squat thrusts, star jumpers, but this time it was led by Nizio, who likes to play a lot with going faster and then really slow in his counts. And they're all sticklers for staying with their count, so it gets tricky when you can't just fall into a rhythm.

Then we partnered up and did the How-Many-Can-You-Do in a minute thing. First came squat thrusts. I did 30, but only because I was next to the Best Girl in Class who did 42!! In ONE minute. We were counting out loud and at first I thought I had to keep up with her. So yeah, 30 nearly killed me. A lap around the gym. Then a minute of... something (ok, maybe I'm not entirely done with the BrainDead), another lap around the gym. Then finally, a minute of the "Burpee", (I have no idea where this name comes from) the dreaded squat thrust/pushup/star jumper combo. I think I mustered about 15 of those. Ouch. 2 laps around the gym then 2 minutes of sit-ups (I managed 71).

Next up: Reuben's Fun with Tires*. 3 sets of 25 squat/presses with the tire, 25 dips (arms on the windowsill, legs straight in front of you, kind of like a whacked-out reverse pushup), 25 pushups. Did I mention we did three sets?

Then lunges over to Alex for the final nail in the coffin. Partner exercise. One partner has two 12lb. dumbbells and does a squat to the floor, back to standing, bicep curl to an overhead press while the other partner faces the window, holds the window bars and runs on and off a 24" wooden crate. I like to think of this one as The Jail Break-- it felt like I was trying to bust the bars off the window! So the partner with the dumbbells did 25 of those, and the other partner did JailBreak until they were done. Then we switched. I think we got through two sets, and then it was done.

Normally, I'm out the door at 8:31, but today I had to go to an audition at 11, so I showered at the gym. Hanging out with the other ladies, we actually learned each other's first names (as opposed to the Boot Camp penchant for Surnames Only) and where everyone works. Strange, nobody is a professional Squat Thruster...

*Seriously, if I never see a tire again!